oh my goodness , it's gonna be the 4th month that i've not been updating my blog ever since january . i was kind of busy & lazy , didn't really bothered about blogging . my life story had been left untold ever since then , i think that it's time for me to rant everything out here so that i'd really feel better . maybe i wouldn't have the time to blog about everytime because mye is here , i've to study . yet , every single day of mine , stops me from studying . i'm really on the verge of giving up on my studys . it's hard to focus in class thanks to some flashbacks that i'd have during lessons time . it all started with love , relationships , friendships & studies . somehow , they're trying to strangle me to death .

hah , i'm a little happy that syf ended . but sad because we got a bronze after working so hard for so many months . i regretted skipping those cca days , damn it . hopefully we'd be able to score a gold for the next 2 years . i'm really gonna focus on orchestra after exams . nowadays , i'd have some thought of giving up on studies . i feel that , i couldn't understand anything , and idk why . maybe it's because my IQ's low ? haha ! yeah right . sigh , i don't feel like studying nor do i feel like dropping to normal acad . mom's gonna throw me out of the house with a broom if i'm really gonna fall to normal ac . but , at such a young age i'm thinking about giving up on studies , what about the future ? i doubt i'd be a successful person , really doubt :/

About my love story , i'd feel like blogging about it .

Well , on March 03 2011 which is me & ivan's 9th month . yeah , we broke up . i asked for the break . it's just that i felt that he's a great boyfriend , and i ain't up to his standard . for the past 9 months when i'm with him , i had never felt so happy in my life before . he's those sort of faithful guys like i said before , he doesn't talks to girls . neither text nor call . how about me ? well , although i'm faithful , but i'd somehow get along more with boys and talk to them often and cause ivan to be moody every single time . hah , rewinding back about the past , i finally realized about this . i'm always the one making him angry , pissed off and sad . and everyone would point their fingers at me , telling me that it's all my fault whenever he's upset . even sometimes , i was being accused for like no reasons when i don't even know why he was moody . okay , it might be me , and i might not realized what i did wrong . so , bringing up this thought , i'd thought about somethings thoroughly again . i wonder ' what could i do to make him feel much more happier ? ' . i took the risk . & start the thought of breaking up with him . it's a risk that i took and no one knows . it might be taken as a test ? a test to see if he'd feel much more happier without me . i thought of asking him for patch , but nah . cause he seems better off without me . and i know , i hurt him badly by telling him lots of reason why i wanna broke up with him . well , everything that i told him was just a lie . not everyone knows about the reason . but who knows , after a few weeks , he totally forgotten about me . i tried to maintain our friendships , but it seems to fade off after he fall for another girl . i guess his so called ' faithful ' ain't with him anymore . he once told me that i hurt him deeply on the day we broke up . he said i didn't gave a fuck about him few weeks before we broke up . mainly the reasons was because i wants him to think that i no longer love him , no longer give a fuck about him and wants him to break up with me . at the start , i didn't wanted to ask for break . i was waiting for me to ask it , but i knew he wouldn't , so i made the first move . i lied to him , telling him those fake reasons when i wanna broke up with him . well , i cried badly . everything it's because i'm thinking for him , and totally forgotten about myself . but nvm , he seems really better off without me right now . i hope that he'd find someone who he really loves and someone who really loves him . i might not be the one who could give him the happiness he had previously . maybe he wants more ? no one knows . feel like knowing what's in his mind , but he's like a little secretive and no one knows :/ but nvm , since he decided to move on , i guess i should move on too . all the best .

For my friendships , well ..................... i've been really losing quite a amount of friendships nowadays due to my lousy time arrangement :/

5366 : idk what happened to us . few weeks back we were still okay , few weeks after , we were like strangers . come on , why can't you tell me whats on your mind ? i just wanna know what did i did wrong to deserved all these ignoring things ? you said you wanna tell me the truth because you didn't wanted to hurt me . well , i said okay , i said you didn't hurt me because all the while i was just treating you like my bestie . really . but i don't understand why can't we just be friends ? after we met up at hgm rooftop for the last time , and after you took my phone to read my twitter , everything started at that moment . we drifted . drift until when we see each other in school , we don't even bother to wave , smile , say hi or even look into one another's eyes . what's wrong with you ? i just can't figure out what happened between us . i want us to have a heart to heart talk and know what's on your mind . but other's said i shouldn't care when you don't even give a fuck and they said i should even forget about you . forget about you ? you think it's so easy ? i just want a simple friendship from you . the way we texted like last time . can't we just be like that way ? i didn't ask for much , did i ? no i didn't . all the while i told you i just wanna maintain our friendships like this . but i don't know why did everything come to the end . i asked you if we were still friends , but when i texted you when i'm down , where were you ? you don't even give a fuck about me now . you don't even care about my feelings . for goodness sake , i'm a real human . not those fake humans in your blackshot . i've feelings ! but do you ? i doubt you do . if the main reason you're ignoring me it's because you don't want me to like you , tell me right in my face . i won't get hurt that much cause i've been hurt for umpteen times , i'm used to it . seriously , just tell me straightly . i won't do anything cause i know i can't do anything to get back this friendship anymore . let me tell you something , i want nothing from you . I JUST FUCKING WANT BACK THIS FRIENDSHIP THAT WE HAD FEW WEEKS AGO ! that's all i asked for . i don't think i deserved all these . after i hang out with you , it's either the next day or the next moment i'd almost lose you . wtf is wrong with you ? it's killing my brain cells . AND I COULDN'T STUDY ANY FURTHER WITHOUT YOUR TEXT ! :'( do you know i've been like repeating your names umpteen times infront of everyone ? hoping that you'd call me like how you used to call me few weeks ago ? i'm still right here waiting for your call & your text . Don't forget about me , please . lastly , if you'd really feel happier without me as your friend , tell me . i'll leave automatically without your knowing , i'd disappear in your life , forever . it's all simple things that i asked for . goodbye .

i'm gonna bring the topic up after exams . for those who i really drifted with , i'd do some dedications after exams .

damn , syf ended , seniors are leaving . Teck Heng , Rui Yi , Run Ying , Hai Yu, Quan Sheng , Chong Yue and lots of seniors are leaving , i'm gonna miss them alot especially TECKHENG ! Aw , when he's gone , there's no one for me to bully anymore . well , that day when he left the co studio , his back view really made me miss him so much . idk why , maybe he treats me really good i guess (: haha ! i'm so gonna miss him . the seat's gonna be empty :/ nowadays i'm like looking out for him in school , and i really dunno why . Well , i'll miss Ruiyi's and Runying's scoldings and jokes . Hai Yu's way of teaching me how to read my scores . Quan Sheng's real funny jokes . Chong Yue's bullying . and etc etc alot more (: HAHA ! i guess that's all . wish you all good luck for your o'levels ! BEST WISHES :)